lessons in fugitivity from my grandma
I am of the belief that grandmas make the world go round. My grandma, Margie, is the radiant sun that both my family and my life orbit around. Born October 19 (a Libra queen), Nanny, as we call her, moves with a kind harmony and intentionality that are undoubtedly qualities of a fugitive. As a young fugitive, I turn to my Nanny for lessons in how to experience this life in its totality. In my recent conversation with her, it was both a moment to learn from her and learn about her. In exchange for her knowledge, I had to take out the trash and run to the mailbox, but that was such a small price to pay for such invaluable lessons. Here is what I learned about and from my grandma:
The Four Rules of Fugitivity with My Nanny
Nanny in Cancun with a big plate of food, 2018.
Me: How do you escape, Nanny?
Nanny: Walmart, Goodwill, being in the house by myself. I don’t have to fuss with nobody.
Me: How do you steal?
Nanny: She makes a face.
Me: Not steal, steal. How do you steal moments of joy, happiness, peace?
Nanny: I have my girl and guy friends that I talk to on the phone. We try to stay in touch with each other. We haven’t been able to as much (due to COVID-19), but now some of them got their vaccines.
Me: What does joy feel like?
Nanny: Laughing, talkin’, telling lies and the truth sometimes. We chuckle. I am a happy person. I only get this voice heavy when someone makes me get it heavy.
Me: What does happiness feel like?
Nanny: Sleep. Praying and going to church.
Me: What does freedom feel like?
Nanny: Five minutes to myself, peace time.
Me: Four best feelings?
Nanny: When people not down my ass, when I’m playing my tablet (her iPad), and when I’m watching a good movie.
Me: Nanny, do you have a favorite movie?
Nanny: No I look at all kinds.
Pause.
Nanny: But my six grandkids—three boys and three girls—are the best feeling.
Me: Best smells?
Nanny: A clean body and nice smelling cologne (She always wears perfume). Somebody else’s cooking, too.
Me: What are your favorite things to look at?
Nanny: Don’t think I’m strange for this but I love looking in people’s houses for decorations because I love to decorate.
Me: You love to be nosy.
Nanny: I do and I love looking at my crazy grandkids and picking at babies in the grocery stores.
Me: Four best things to hear?
Nanny: “Kelly [her youngest granddaughter] won’t be up here tomorrow,” my friends’ accomplishments, music of all kinds, I don’t care what it is, and my own noise.”
Nanny: Can I add what’s the most annoying thing?
Me: Which is?
Nanny: You Facetiming me every day. She laughs.
Me: I laugh. I’m not including that.
Lessons for Life
Her Lessons For Me
1. Listen to me when I tell you to do something.
2. You can be all you can and more.
3. Don’t be going to the store at night (because I love night walks).
4. Know that you are a beautiful black girl.
5. Get all the education you can get.
Lessons She Learned
Not to believe everything you hear
All because you see It don’t mean it’s real. If ten people see something, they will all tell it differently. That’s why I like going to see a movie twice, you get to see something different.
Mechanical stuff for my dad (Papa, as we called him).
I learned to quit guys before they quit me because they be full of shit.
Live your best life despite what has happened in the past.
Nanny’s Archive
a small collection dedicated to my nanny
I like to think of my grandma’s wall as her personal family archive, curating a non-linear narrative of her life and as well as the entire family.
Like many black southerners, my grandma claims to be a devout Christian which means she dabbles in smudging and the spiritual cleansing of the home.
This is one of the many dictionaries my grandma bought me. Education matters a great to her.
Nanny featuring me.
Before my grandma fell in love with her iPad, she would always play Tetris on her Game Boy.
Her garden. My favorite plant that she grows is the Elephant Ear (not pictured).